I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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