Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
