How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Someone shit on the floor
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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