There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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