I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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