Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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