i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
