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I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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