I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
