Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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