You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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