I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
