why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
