Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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