There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
