im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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