Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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