god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
