do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize