yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
