I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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