she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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