I want to have your abortion
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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