Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
