oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize