Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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