so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
