as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
