tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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