Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
