How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
