So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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