he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
