My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
