I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize