I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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