I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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