Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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