So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize