I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
