This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize