dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There's always time for handjobs
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
