I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I need to wash the frat house off of me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
