If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
