How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
