Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
