I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
