After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
