we have officially lost it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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