bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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