I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
