come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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