I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
