just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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