I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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