I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
