You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize