We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
