Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
