Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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