Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Let's get the cat blown out
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
