Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
