No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
