I smell stomach acid.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
