I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
