I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
