shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
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