The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
