cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
