my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
