We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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