im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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