This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
