i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
