alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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