haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Alive.
So much puke
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
