I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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