She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
