So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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