oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
