you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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