I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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