When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize