Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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