Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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