but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
