i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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