GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize