3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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