so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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