I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
