my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
