i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
