I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
