her vagine was all disorganized.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
