tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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