Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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