Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
