What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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