just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
