Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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