I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
