Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Congratulations! We have a period
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