Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
