C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
