I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
