is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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