quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
