I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
