p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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