there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
