TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
