i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
