I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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