This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
