The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
