i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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