Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
