Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
